Macclesfield are so pointless!

I'm off work ill today, and don't feel like either
a) getting out of my pyjamas,
or b) thinking of a point b.

I do however feel like doing a world cup blog -- which in itself is healing....

So, without further ado:

Things I have learnt about the World Cup so far.....

* One of the South African players is in The Kaiser Chiefs.

* Adebayor is secretly cool.

* The ball is too round.

* Honduras are crap.

* New Zealand... This is an interesting one...
According to Martin Keown, "New Zealand have no real legs in midfield"
Wow that must be a first! Trust me, I've watched them play, and there's no way you can tell!

* Everyone's secret outside surprise bet is the Ivory Coast!!!
It's now got to the stage where someone comes up to me and says

"You know what, if you want an outside bet, there's a .... "

"STOP!!! It's the Ivory Coast isn't it?? Well isn't it???"

* Apparently:
Germany... they always find a way.
Italy... they always find a way.
Brazil... they always find a way.

* France - they're a bit stretched in midfield I find. Frank Rubbery :-)

* Pointless teams!!!!! Every world cup, there's the real underdogs who are interesting to watch... your Honduras and your New Zealand etc etc......

but then there's the teams who aren't the worst of the bunch, but who are truly and utterly pointless.

I've decided that if Slovenia play Slovakia in the second round, it will go down in history as the most pointless game of football ever!!

Although neither of these teams are as pointless as Macclesfield. No-one is as pointless as Macclesfield. If you don't believe me, click here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_div_3/7565103.stm



I've been following the World Cup News on the web site worldcupsouthafrica2010.com.
Makes sense, yeah?

Anyway, on Monday, the big news from the England camp was that defender Ledley King was due to have a scan on his groin injury to see whether or not he would be fit for the rest of England's campaign.

On worldcupsouthafrica2010.com.... on the FRONT PAGE, the TOP STORY, the first sentence read.....


A big world cup day today if your name is Ledley King.


Surely... without doubt... the worst. line. of journalism. ever.


A big world cup day today if your name is Ledley King.


I hope that, because its such a crappy article, that only one person ever reads that article.

But what if that one person is Ledley King??????


A big world cup day today if your name is Ledley King.


"Oh my God! Like, MY name is Ledley King! Oh my God, I'll have to read this."

OR

what if only one person reads that article, but its someone else who also happens to be called Ledley King!


A big world cup day today if your name is Ledley King.


"You're kidding me?? I was going out for a meal with the wife tonight, but now.. well, I'd better read on....."





Vuvuzelas! Good in scrabble, AMAZING in Countdown... how good would that feel!!! "Yes. I've got a 9. It's Vuvuzelas. Wow."

But not so good at the World Cup. I find Vuvuzelas are kind of like Marmite except no-one loves them.

We're told to respect the vuvuzela because it is a traditional INSTRUMENT. Instrument???
How does it qualify as an instrument? I'm going to invent a little hand-held piano, except its only going to have one key lol .

It's not a very inventive instrument. It's like someone in the crowd starting a chant that goes "beeep beeep"

Annoying as I think they are, in some ways I also think the vuvuzela argument has been blown out of proportion.

The BBC, the last time I read,

"have received 545 complaints about the vuvuzela noise during matches."

What??? Who does that?????


"Hi there, I'd like to be put through to the complaints department......."

"Hello. I'm watching the World Cup game, and I can hear a large number of vuvuzelas....

"yes, yes there's a lot of people that's right, all blowing them."

"yeah, well you know, I wouldn't mind if it was just a few people or just once or twice, but it's becoming a habit now, and they won't stop and its getting on my nerves"

"yes, well the thing is I'm just having a quiet morning, trying to read my book and i can't concentrate, they've been at it all morning and its driving me crazy...."

Who makes these complaints?????

Or maybe some of them are e-mail complaints. Maybe from one of those people - we all know someone like this - who complains about everything, and boasts how they know how the complaints system works.........

"I first heard the vuvuzelas at 15:00 on Wednesday June 16th. They continued for 10 minutes. At around 15:10, the vuvuzelas became louder and increased in intensity," etc etc etc

blah blah blah i can see they're annoying, but to ring up the BBC and complain about them being there?? lol


This might as well happen:

"Hello. Yes, I'd like to make a complaint. I've been watching the World Cup coverage, and the opposition have scored."

"Yes. Yes, top corner."

"Well I'm not normally the type to complain, you know, but the thing is, it happened last week too."


"My name?? It's Ledley King."

"Well its interesting you say that, because it's a big world cup day today, if your name is Ledley King."

"No way!!!"


Is that a vuvuzela in your pants, or are you just pleased to see me?


If there's one thing more annoying than the vuvuzelas about this world cup, it has to be James Corden! Could anyone be less funny?? Not to mention his random celebrity guests who appear and give their dull, un-knowledgeable opinions - before James Corden comes on and annoys England players on a golf course.

I lost count of how many times I saw this clip..... It appears to be James Corden's best joke: The gist of it was... you are a scouser and Wayne Rooney is a scouser and the manager is Italian, therefore he might have some difficulty understanding you.

James Corden is everywhere right now. My friend say he is like olives because he is an acquired taste and you have to stick with him.

I tried this for a while, and can confirm James Corden is not like olives, except about as funny as one.

Maybe he's called James Corden cos there is a cordon of funnyness into which he's not allowed to cross.

Got this from a mate: "Watched five minutes of James Corden last night. Couldn't stop laughing. That's because I never started!"
hahaha

Oh well, I suppose after the big game, it's actually quite good to get Dizzee Rascal's opinion ????


Blow when you're winning... you only blow when you're winning........


Do you realise this may really happen.....

When England win the World cup for the first time since 1966, and everyone is celebrating, going mental etc etc, do you think anyone is going to say "Ooh James Corden is going to be on in a minute. I can't wait for his show tonight."

How disastrous will that be? England lifting the world cup aloft, followed by James Corden telling his best joke about an Italian manager who might struggle to understand people from Liverpool. Or maybe he'll have to think of a new best joke?


You can shove your vuvuzelas.. shove your vuvuzelas....



1966: "Some people are on the pitch! They think it's all over... it is now!!!!"

2010: "Lots of people are in the stands. They think the end of injury time must be approaching soon. It has done."

orrrr maybe more like....

2010: "Some people are on the pitch! And these scenes are not what we wanted to see, after what has been a largely good-natured and well-behaved tournament."



orrrrr

2010: "You're both from Liverpool. However the manager is Italian."