Growing up and moving on

Mum on Blog!!! Yay, Mum on Blog.

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The slightly-blurry, slightly-deformed-looking dog is one my Uncle is looking after. He works for Guide Dogs for the Blind, and looks after dogs during the short period while they are trained (4 months or so per dog)

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Yeah, that dog does look pretty freaky.

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I'm a bit sad tonight, cos every new year it is more apparent the number of friends and people who have moved on and settled down - not that I don't want the best for them.

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I think a lot and am very introspective and sentimental... I also observe a lot, sometimes to my own detriment. One-by-one watching my friends settle down and letting go of the concept of new year being some amazing anything-can-happen big night out.

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I've let go too, and I think , like a lot of people, I'm not really a fan of new year now, and don't have the same amazing feelings I used to have.... I was trying to decide if I have grown out of it or if i've moved on, and I'm pretty certain it's the second one... cos I don't ever want to grow out of anything :-)

99,000 words

It's Christmas in the novel yay

Hit 99,000 today.

Review 6

Final review post - to say that going forward now one of my biggest drives is to work at ways to get more awareness of Samaritans - and more publicity. I'm kinda gutted Radio York didn't give me longer this morning, and that I didn't phrase very well what I had to say.

Review 5

LOL this is a funny - well not funny but interesting letter I sent of something else I am working on for the period ahead....... Makes me sound like I'm crazy lol

Dear Sir/Madam,

I feel that I have a very important issue I want to put down in e-mail.

I have been a Samaritan at York Branch for over 3 years.

I am concerned as to an issue which could occur in 2011 or later and cause a large number of suicides in the United Kingdom.

This year (2010), two very large football clubs (Portsmouth and Sheffield Wendnesday) came extremely close to going out of business and were saved at the very last minute. This is something that has not occured before (certainly not within my memory) and therefore would be an unprecedented event of which consequences have not previously been researched.

It is thought likely, due to the current financial risk management in football that the same situation may occur at other clubs in the coming years.

I believe also that if a football club of this magnitude did in fact cease to exist, there would be a very high likelihood of suicides (possibly mass suicides) (predominantly amongst males - adult and teenager)

I have zero evidence to back this up. Like I say, it is not something which has occured before and University of Oxford's Centre for Suicide Research have not touched on the issue, and possibly not even considered the notion of it (as it is an entirely recent risk)

My belief that this possible occurence would lead to many suicides is based on a few factors.
* A football club of this size has hundreds of thousands of fans.
* Thousands of people follow their club all around the country to every game home and away.
* For many people, football / following their team is their life.. in some cases, the team is virtually the only thing which matters to them. In many ways, it is similar to people losing their livelihood. For very many people, it holds the same importance and position in their life. Cut short, following their team through thick and thin is everything.
* Football can be something dependable for many people who feel they have nothing else in their lives to rely and have faith in. For some, their team can dominate most of their thoughts, dreams and time.
* Typical cases where it is evident (although by far a minority percentage) would be the guy with club tattoos over his body, or the 15-year-old boy with few friends for whom almost every waking moment is filled with thoughts and hopes of his football club (a common case).

I am writing to see if this issue can get serious consideration. Not just at a re-active level (ie when it happens) , but before-hand (i.e. what can be done to limit the effects of it happening, or work at preventing the event happening)

It is all too easy to dismiss thoughts before an event happens with the idea that because such an incident has not happened in the past, why should it occur in the future? .. or the idea that we will be safe as an organisation to not consider and be proactive on such issues and wait and see what happens.

I cannot emphasise enough how important I think it is for Samaritans to give this some serious consideration. It is my belief, after much thought and consideration of my own, that such an incident could be the biggest single direct suicide cause in the United Kingdom in a generation.

I have also spoken to the PA to Professor Horton at University of Oxford's Centre for Suicide Research, who recommended I take this route with my enquiry.

Regards,

Paul Walton
York Samaritans

Review 4

Okay .. just want to mention some things I'm doing with Samaritans here.... I've really enjoyed being part of a campaign lately to increase awareness of the charity - York Samaritans, and I'm going to try and push this awareness even further in the future.

In the midst of the winter weather, I appeared on Radio York and Minster FM talking about how the weather isolates and depresses people. My Nan is a great example of this - she's 83 (i think lol) and couldn't even leave the house because of the ice. So many people are housebound like this in this crazy weather - whereas before, even a trip to the shop or surgery during the day could make a difference, often now days can go by without any company. And the fact that cold weather depresses people is fairly self-explanatory really.

There are articles on the BBC Web site - and soon York Press - and this morning, I appeared on Radio York again. I wasn't as happy with my contribution this morning... It was about the different ways christmas can affect people and I came across as a bit too vague and generic.

Out of interest, the main ways in which christmas and new year period affects people are:

Relationships - People forced together who you might not normally choose or want to spend a lot of time with - over-exposed, families etc.. More time for arguments, true feelings to come out..... Pressures to perform (e.g. cook christmas dinner)... Supposed to get along with each other.. alcohol flowing etc etc

Finances - The crazy spending of before christmas putting a strain on them

Isolation - Christmas is a time when people are pressured to be with loved ones. There are a lot of people with no-one, and so it is a time that they can feel a lot more isolated.

Depression - It's the time of year when we are told we are supposed to be happy, so any difference from that can be magnified. Christmas is often idealised - e.g. the perfect family christmas.

Thinking time - With more spare time, time off work, time alone etc, people often find themselves with a too much time to think.

End of year - The end of the year is traditionally a time when people reflect and take stock, and then look ahead to what they will do in the new year. It can be a time when people decide their future is bleak, or start to question their lives and meaning.

Review 3

An update on my on-line creative stuff.........

I have now done over 90,000 words of the novel!!

I've also throughout the year uploaded most of my poetry and quotes to my Web site, and written a few short stories.

Review 2

July!! And a contender for best gig I've ever been to -- Ash -- at The Duchess

In a crazy hot venue, sneaked my way to the front, and being so light, spent half of the gig not actually with my feet on the floor!!! Haha, that was crazy. Falling second to that, a hospital radio fundraising gig at Stereo... oh, and York Peace Festival.

Thanks to the hospitality of Christian and Elaine, fun band hero night and poker nights - as well as some great nights out featuring Zumo, Ali and Clare - and a night in Stone Roses belting out Indie anthems!

It's worth pointing out, should I read this in 30 years time, that England's World Cup early exit was dismal and included the usual mash-up of bizarre under-performing and a blatant disallowed, over-the-line goal... oh and the Germans. The South African World Cup as a whole though was great, as mostly was the passion of the England fans over here.

I got an IPhone. Also, my favourite film of the year = Inception. Wow.

At the radio station, my Sunday show ran out of steam. Simply due to the fact that, aside from special guests, I was usually in the studio completely on my own -- and I learnt I was very bad at this - and needed someone , anyone to be in the studio with me - in order to function really well and put across a great show.

With this in mind, I switched to Wednesday nights - where I currently present a 2-hour show - the first hour features requests.

It differs from my previous show, as it is more upbeat, less spiritual, less reflective and more 'in the moment'. It often has a theme for the song choices too. I work really hard at show ideas, concepts, preparation and lots of fun special guests!! I thrive hard at creating a very professional, buzzy , heat-of-the-moment show while thoroughly enjoying every moment and making time to accommodate and feature friends in the studio. Currently, I have a team of 7 that come down and walk the hospital wards getting requests for the show. One guy writes theatre reviews and another helps with his immense footy knowledge lol. Another great thing about doing Wednesday nights is that we can watch the footy game while the show is on, and also I can report on the scorelines in the big games - again giving it that real in-the-moment feel. Furthering myself and breaking new ground - albeit with hospital radio - is something that's really important to me.

Whilst working at the dullest job on earth (The Crown Prosecution Service), I had another three interviews - all of which I failed to get - CPP, Great Rail Journeys and Azlan again.

An unusual and surprisingly very touching episode occured one night, when I googled an old school pal Jonathan Walker - only to find out he was an amazing - like truly amazing - street busker in Leeds and Liverpool. I caught up with him and re-connected the old friendship. Does re-connected have a hyphen? Hmm, I don't think so. Reconnected. There we go, I have reconnected the word reconnected.

Yes, it was wonderful seeing what a great guy he's become, and also touching because his voice and music are amazing, and because there was something about what he's doing - busking on the street every day - just him and his guitar - that resonated with my own life massively.

So onto my love life in 2010.

Ok so now that's done, onto friendship and four friends I haven't mentioned yet, who are reading this and have been there in 2010.

Zumo (Mr Z. Juice lol ) - thanks for your great friendship in 2010 and here's to more in 2011 - from new years eve literally.

Jim, who has probably paid me the most compliments of any person in my entire life lol - and offered a very close friendship - including a trip to the panto!!, a day out in Scarborough when it was freezing cold and the waves were crazy, and a journey at midnight to the North York Moors to sit on a car bonnet and look at the stars.

Lexi - the most genuinely caring person I've ever met - who's shared a beautifully true and unconditional friendship, calmness and support through 2010, as well as coffees, beers and countryside... everything a best friend should be about.

And Paula - with whom I've had the nearest its come to a holiday this year - visiting Liverpool, Manchester, Blackpool, Castle Howard, Hawkshead Park, Fountains Abbey, Chester, Widnes - ok shouldn't have included Widnes - sharing weekends and laughter - and more than anything a feeling of being really alive, being loved, having a soul-mate, and mattering.

Back to my love life, and apart from one average forced half-date with a cellist that didn't go very well!!! haha, there has been none. I'm okay with this though, as I'm only 30, and I think the important thing is that I'm still growing spiritually.
Not growing height-wise, that would be stupid.

Sitting in on John Hodgson's Minster FM show was a highlight, as I am keen to work for Minster FM in the future. Pub of the year has to go to the Old White Swan aka The Mucky Duck, where I have spent many hours drinking, quizzing, seeing Samaritans friends and eating sausages. LOL It really is my favourite pub.

I've had some good therapy this year - and a really good therapist - which has seen me become more understanding and aware of my massive anxiety and has really helped. It's pretty personal obviously so it's not one for the blog here - but I feel, even though I've spent about £1000 on it, that it's been of great benefit.

It was the year 2010 when Rich Pauer got himself a lovely girlfriend - a thoroughly-deserved little miracle - in fact the guy probably deserves it more than anyone i know :-)

As the year went by, I became more and more focused on my next big challenge: The Great North Run - 13 miles - a half-marathon - obviously a massive, massive challenge. I stepped up from my usual 3 mile distance and made my runs gradually longer. It was a really new feeling doing long runs - huge segments of time spent running and thinking - I inspired myself by excitedly planning out new routes and finding a new running partner. When the day came, I was focused and determined., and I did it - with a time of 2 hours 13 minutes of which I'm very proud!! I then became ridiculously wet, tired and lost somewhere in the North-East.

Sadly, since then, due to the cold weather, I haven't kept the running up as much as I would have liked to have done. In fact, aside from walking, I haven't done any exercise for ages. Oh, I mended a puncture.

I'm, completing my third year at York Samaritans, which I love very much. Whenever I doubt my own life, I remember that things aren't just about me, and I think about how enriching it is to help others. I never tire of being there on the phones and helping people, just by listening and caring. Helping others is something that's really easy to bring a reward if you let it.

I have been a Team Leader there this year too, which has been interesting and a new experience for me - as well as helping out at information and selection events and being branch leader on Christmas Day :-)

My day job finished at the end of October, with an end as flat as the job itself. I know I'm partly to blame for that. Still, at least it finished at the end of the month. Just like in February. So that gave me the wonderful feeling of turning over a new leaf at the start of a new month.

Unemployment was at first hopeful - i'd always found employment quickly in the past - but soon mixed the following emotions - despairing, scared of having no finances, unknown, weird (yeh, it definitely felt weird), pressured to find something, unsure as to the right approach or how I should spend my days and consequently critical of myself. And lack of shaving, if that's an emotion.

But in between that, it also brought a feeling of great freedom, relaxation and telling myself to make the most of the free time. Being unemployed has also given me the chance to spend quality time with my Nan, as she is cut off by the Big Freeze.

Since being unemployed (almost two months now), I've been living off jobseekers allowance and housing benefit. I've only had two interviews, and turned down some terribly paid jobs. The second interview I had, I got some incredibly negative feedback about my personality and approach - I've accepted it, cos I figure it was just one of those days.

At one point deep into december, I accepted a very poorly-paid job in Harrogate. I felt pressured into accepting it - like pressured to find something. The more I thought about it, the more I figured I'd made a wrong decision, so I rang up on the morning I was meant to start and cancelled it. I was scared of getting into a mess - with all the travelling and the terrible pay. Mind you, that morning was terrible - I thought like I was having a breakdown or something.

During the last few weeks, and the crazy famous winter of 2010!! (which I have largely loved!!!! - the deepest snow I've ever known!!!), things have come my way to keep me really occupied.... A series of special guests for my radio show - including theatre actors, meeting and interviewing the York City players and a visit to the Archbishop's palace to meet and record a message from John Sentamu - Wow!

Getting involved with a big press drive for York Samaritans and speaking on the local radio stations about it, passed the time nicely too.

Lots of York City games - and two more 30th birthday parties towards the back end of the year - a surprise one for Ben and a christmassy one for Chris. It's staggering at these events, whilst surrounded by great friends, that there are about 12 couples and then me and Smith who are single LOL. Most of the couples are (appear) really happy too, and it was great to see Neil and Leanne's place where they have settled in Copmanthorpe.

When my friends Pete and Helen had their baby recently, it was pretty special for me - cos I got to hold and feed a baby for the first time!! Surprisingly it didn't feel that weird - though I must admit to imagining it being me one day.

Time for two weird facts of the year - i guess two unusual claims to fame....

1.) I helped significantly with Jeremy Kyle Confronts The Porn Industry on ITV. It was set in my bedroom in London. Seriously. I am also proud of the message put across, despite most of the programme content being massively biased towards porn being evil, as we expected it to be. It is a baby-step :-)

2.) Really weird claim-to-fame. During the Gamu Nhengu (X-Factor) scenario - at the time she was front page news - on the night when journalists surrounded her house but no-one was allowed to get in to get that all important first interview --- On that night, she was chatting to me on the Internet via Twitter. It sounds far-fetched, but let';s say I am almost certain it was her - without going into boring details about how I know it was her, she paid me a great compliment on the quotes page of my Web site. Very surreal Friday night that was.

York City produced a memorable victory over Rotherham - and the best game I've seen for ages!!! - I've also been getting a lot more into York City and football in general during the second half of 2010 - and am to be given an opportunity of commentating from Bootham Crescent in 2011, so I've been preparing myself for that too.

Last but not least, Christmas Day this year was very special for me. Some of you know about my awkward childhood and the mental hell I went through....

Yesterday, on Christmas Day, I reconnected with my brother for the first time since our childhood. This was a really special thing as growing up, it felt like we didn't have each other as brothers - and so now - for the first time - it feels like I have a brother.

Merry Christmas.

Review 1

Hi,

As it's now the final week of 2010, its time to reflect on the first half of the year.

Comparatively, the year hasn't been great for me. A bit like 2006 wasn't great. But there's still been some really nice things within it.

The first main event of the year was a trip to Stoke for the game against York City... a game which promised a lot, but was actually pretty dull and absolutely freezing, especially standing around for ages waiting to get in. Apart from that, it was a laugh though and a day out in Stoke lol. City lost 3-1 and despite very briefly taking the lead, never really looked like winning.

I came runner-up in my first ever poetry competition - on-line ones don't count - The Husthwiate poetry contest does (yes, its a tiny village). A job interview at Azlan came and went.

More and more snow fell, which made me feel really warm ironically. One of my favourite memories was walking down Micklegate in the snowiest, most surreal scenes I've ever encountered - it was beyond beautiful - going into an amusingly sludge-floored Sainsbury's.. laughing hysterically at the surrealness of it all, meeting a girl who was also laughing and then walking through the city with her. Funny how little things stand out, but I'll never forget the beauty of the city that day.

That inspired me to buy a digital camera, which I've happily used throughout the year including photography expeditions... I've never been so fascinated by photography as this year... and have been learning techniques and looking for opportunities to take beautiful photos.

Got to see Adam's band - who are really good - called The Hung - and recently supported The Pigeon Detectives. Wow. Tuesday nights became a regular night at The Habit pub. I did some side-work at home for a translation business - yeah that was pretty random - checking over documents for a bit of extra cash. Saw Stewart Lee at the Theatre Royal -- he was hilarious - love him! Saw an amazing York City win at home to Wimbledon., a trip to castle howard, anda trip to Crewe. (lol)

If there's one thing this year has sucked massively at - it's my career....

It all started in January at the Meat Hygiene Service.... Having been there 3 years, I decided to leave.. I really enjoyed my time there and had a really amazing job there which I loved.... I honestly never thought I'd end up with a job choosing and supplying abattoir equipment as a living - a job where a typical day involved trying on gloves and other clothing, meeting with suppliers about products, and generally covering my desk with all kinds of unusual abattoir equipment.

I left because I found it really difficult to work with the guy I worked closely with - even though we'd had a good laugh for 8 months or so - It was probably as much my fault as his, but I decided the job wasn't worth saving.... One of the main reasons (apart from his moodynes towards me) was the fact he was so obsessed with the job - it was his entire life. It meant that even if things were ironed out (which by the way they are now), it still wouldn't have made for a great job. He would talk about the job all day long, even the minute details of it.

But that wasn't the only reason I left. Also - big one - I was still temporary there, and it was hard to see the job being extended (as it turned out, with the coalition cuts, my job would not have been extended anyway!).. what this meant was that I felt I didn't have much to lose by handing in my notice... and so I thought it through and given that it was really getting me down and flattening me at the time, I thought it was the best thing.

Also, my boss was so kind that she would have offered me an alternative role within the company, but I decided even if she did, that I didn't want that either... and that being a progressive person, after 3 years there, I wanted to move on. She understood - my boss.

The last month there wasn't easy. Including told off severely in a meeting for loads of things I didn't do... my boss however, did decide on her own accord before the end of my time there that I was being bullied and the situation was wrong. It didn't matter though, I was all set to leave.

I made some good friends there and people were really lovely to me when I left - and got me things including a digital photo frame with a slideshow of photos of me from my time there - my highlights being travelling round the country to conferences, chairing meetings - and erm dressing up as a woman for children in need (actually, i really hated that!) lol... but i did it as a challenge in my first year there.

Looking back, I am not really sure whether I made the right decision to leave or not.

The snow kept falling in January - it was very snowy and then.. very icy. Amusingly, I had no downstairs heating through most of it.. and a guy who kept returning making excuses about it.

Before handing in my notice, I had a day out at an abattoir in Bridlington with Becs and Robbie. An amazing experience... Wondering round the different parts of an abattoir - like lost sheep. Well no, that's a stupid comparison.

Absolutely fascinating - and the processes they use make it seem so.... well normal. A bit shocking when you see the moment when it happens - but after that, your brain associates with the carcass being meat rather than animal.

Phil Morris, my friend from Preston came up one night, and we had a big night out ending in the Gallery. Used to do that all the time!!! It was funny with it being so rare, but a very cool night!

Matt Wilson, one of my best childhood friends came back... having formed his own company, now virtually a millionaire, with offices all around the world... and living in the Phillipines. Amazing the routes which people take - he always wanted to be that person.

Having had about a 2 or 3 month break from being on hospital radio while our studios were re-furbished, I returned into the Sunday morning slot. Our new studios incidentally are better than Radio York and Minster FM, so its been a massively different experience to how it used to be presenting.

My Sunday morning slot continued with its trend of spiritual-ness, calming-ness, and local special guests.

I have only been to London 4 times this year - and only filmed three of those times. All through my own choice and the fact I've been doing other things on weekends mostly.

BT, my musician idol, released These Hopeful Machines - his 6th album - which (no surprises really) became my favourite record of the year... and also features my favourite song of the year, which is The Unbreakable.

I did a bit of stand-up poetry at Space109 and then at Oxfam Bookshop - but it was a bit pointless really - still it was raising money for Haiti, which was something I felt really affected by. I've kind of parked the stand-up poetry, but am still proud of the 3 events I've done with Adam... though nothing matches the one we did at Selby Town Hall!!

I got a new job - at the Crown Prosecution Service - which lasted 8 months - and turned out to be the dullest job and situation i've had by a million miles. I never actually knew it was possible for a job to be that dull, and was relieved when they told me that all temps had to go because of cutbacks. I try and learn from everything, but honestly, I learnt very little from that time, and sadly that's the main reason why 2010 hasn't been the best year in comparison to other years.

I started running again, interviewed new radio members, did an A to Z of the 80's show (wow that was fun), started a trend of having meals out with my Mum (that's been a nice idea!), a lovely meal and gift exchange with Ruth, some Samaritans afternoons and nights out drinking, time walking at The White Horse (not the pub!) and Neil's 30th birthday (ok, that one was the pub). Actually, did lots of great walking this year!

My first major challenge of the year was The Three Peaks Challenge - Oh my God, was this a challenge!!! The biggest challenge of this event turned out to be, having to stop half-way there on the car journey cos i felt travel-sick, and facing the very real possibility that (in order to not delay the others), I would have to be abandoned at a random point in the Skipton countryside (like literally in the middle of nowhere!!!!) somehow figure my own way back and miss out on the whole day. I honestly genuinely thought that was what was gonna happen. Thankfully, it didn't!!!

11.5 hours of up-and-down feel walking... a real real endurance challenge - incredible - and i did it!!!

After spending a long time on the application form, I was rewarded with 2 weeks' work experience at Radio York - which I bravely took as unpaid leave from my new (dull) job.

With my big dream/ambition to work in radio full-time, it was an important step for me. Or so I thought. Career-wise however, it wasn't.

The job itself was very journalism-oriented, which in some ways proved a steep learning curve (with me not being a journalist) - I still regret the huge struggle I had to find a giant rabbit breeder!!

Still, the two weeks was fascinating and a great experience - the highlights were taking weekly vox pops (short interviews) with members of the public, schoolteachers, parents, schoolkids (wow, that was fun) - basically in relation to whatever the main news story was!

The ultimate highlight though - and perhaps my highlight of the year - was taking the BBC Mic to Bootham Crescent for the York City game - which incidentally despite massive efforts to protect it, fell beneath all the jumping bodies when Brodie scored late on (for a 1-0 win in the play-off semi) ... Anyway, so the highlight was interviewing Richard Brodie, the hero, after the game. Especially brilliant as he rarely gives interviews so it was a brilliant capture.

My other highlight was creating and editing a short piece for Julia Booth's show where I visited a new vintage shop - House Of Avalon - opening in the city. I was really proud of that and really surprised myself on a creative level.

They didn't keep me on - which was a shame - but also, well, it wasn't surprising - with me being relatively new to journalism - having no qualification - or driving licence for that matter.

It stunted my radio dream a little, but not too much :-) And it was so much fun working on the stories (and wondering around with a BBC mic, watching people's reactions and feeling important)

As usual, I went to and enjoyed most race meetings at York this year - and also, had some luck!!! Over the year, I made a profit! - wow that never happens :-) Going to York Races is something I always always enjoy :-)

Had a night drinking with Mike Burns (colin off the brittas empire) who is a friend of mine, though i havent seen him for ages - he's been busy with edinburgh etc.... still, a little claim to fame.

York City reached Wembley for the second year in succession, which meant I went down for the second year in succession. Sadly, the play-off final and our chance to get back into the league went pear-shaped. Oxford beat us convincingly. The day was okay though, we still had a laugh.. Just such a shame that we could have been back in the Football League.

One of the more bizarre things I was invited to this year, was to be a judge in the hospital's "Nurse Factor" .. yes a copy of X-Factor with nurses.... haha needless to say that was a great laugh... being simon cowell for the evening!!! (only slightly geekier!)

A day that stands out in May was doing the Robin Hood's Bay walk from Whitby to erm Robin Hoods Bay ... along the clifftop... I did this with James - it was a truely wonderful walk - and one of real sharing of truths which I will remember for a long while.

Unusually, only one significant NEW person/friend came into my life this year, and that's Ali - hi if you're reading :-) -- a friend who I met on-line - Canadian and after a brief spell in London, arriving in York to start a fresh life. I found this story fascinating, so it was great getting to know her, build up a nice friendship and help her settle into her new way of life here in York :-)

The World Cup came around - possbily my favourite thing in the entire world - and also got me back into footy, cos it seemed to have been drifting out of my life....

I was soon crazily excited about it all - and of course fancied England's chances as always. Watching the games this year was great - especially with the support of Christian, Elaine, Zumo and others with the same passion about it all as me - there is absolutely nothing like it.

Given that, it was really cool that my 30th birthday fell on an England game date!!! Incredibly lucky really. I've never had a load of people integrated for my birthday before, but managed to do that with a lot of my friends that day - which made it pretty special. 30 has certainly been a big age for me - a real point that's got me thinking about where i'm heading, who i am etc. 30 is a big age.

Add to the mix, large amounts of snooker, Canadian day, stalking someone in Leeds and hurricane obsessions... and that just about concludes the first half of 2010 :-)

97,900 words

97,900... yep done just a little more today on the therapist scene....

The commonest thing I get asked is about my long-term plan for the book....

Roughly... although I probably won't stick to this....

End of 2010 - reach 100,000 words
End of 2011 - reach 200,000 words
End of 2012 - structure, erase, replace, fill gaps
End of 2013 - Go through it all and edit it finely

97,800 words

97,800.

Yep, I'm still writing my novel.. ok , at a slower pace lately, but I'm still really enjoying it when I get chance to do it. So far today, I've continued on the therapist storyline. Gonna take a break to clean the house and then get back to it in a bit.

Jobs and Radio

Today's dark and strangely grainy picture comes from Scarborough last week. This is looking over from the edge of the marine drive. If you remember, the winds were really high, so the sea was really choppy and exciting. We stood and watched the time period as it got dark and it was so healing and free. I like these dark pictures lol.

I'm into my fourth week of unemployment now.... job news is not greatly exciting, but... I have an interview at Grand Central Rail (the building by Pizza Express) on Thursday of next week, I've put forward for a job at Dunnington, and also put forward for a job at Clifton Moor, which will only last a few weeks but tide me over the christmas period. My neighbour is putting his tree up today lol... i'm starting to feel a bit christmassy too with this snow!!!!

I have some cool radio plans for December... in reverse order of how excited I am by them...

- Some very cool theatre stuff hopefully :-)

- A christmas special on Christmas Eve that I'm going to put a lot of planning into.

- A broadcast from the Archbishop's Palace, where I get to put a question to the Archbishop of York. Wow!

- Wednesday shows going forward, where I'm now very lucky to have a team of 7 people helping out with the show, getting requests etc..

and the biggy....

- I'm going to be commentating on York City home games for York Hospital Radio. This will kick in properly (all being well) from August 2011, but my commentary debut is looking like its going to be December .. i.e. next month... I'm very very excited and very very nervous. It is actually my childhood dream to be a football commentator so I'm really really happy about it :-)
We have a commentary box at the top of one of the stands, and it's such a privilege. I'm collating info and statistics to help me broadcast, and am going to be really really nervous, but so much looking forward it :-)

Spaceman

Wow! I took that picture the other day. I love it.

Very excited about my radio show tonight. All being well, there's 8 premier league footy fixtures, so there is a guy in the neighbouring studio who's going to collate score update and commentary clips from IRN so i can include them in my show. Another guy is selecting the music for the last hour. And five of us are collecting requests from patients :-) I also have a theatre interview in there, oh and a theatre review I haven't written yet.

Ok, as a final Killers song... the second release from Day and Age after Human was Spaceman. The song is about a guy getting abducted by aliens - fun lol - but also has a double metaphor......

So....

It started with a low light,
Next thing I knew they ripped me from my bed.
And then they took my blood type
It left a strange impression in my head.

means

It started when I was feeling low.
Next thing I found myself in hospital (suicide attempt)
It left a big (strange) impression on me.

Then..

You know that I was hoping,
That I could leave this star-crossed world behind
But when they cut me open,
I guess I changed my mind

I guess that's self-explanatory now.
"Cut me open" being metaphorically as well as quite possibly physically.

Then..

And you know I might
Have just flown too far from the floor this time
Cause they're calling me by my name
And they're zapping white light beams
Disregarding bombs and satellites

Calling me by my name - as they do when you're in hospital!!
White light beams - surgery i guess?
Zapping white light beams, disregarding bombs and satellites...
= really getting through to the core of him mentally (disregarding physical stuff) (i came with an analogy of metaphorically what exactly the bombs and satellites are although i forget it now!)

That was the turning point
That was one lonely night

i.e. the night he attempted suicide and was metaphorically cut open and touched at the core, it was a turning point in his life.

Chorus:
The star maker says, "It ain't so bad"
The dream maker's gonna make you mad
The spaceman says, "Everybody look down
It's all in your mind"

Very philosophical.
The star make / storm maker saying it ain't so bad - can't quite make out which he's saying - but both fit that they apply to the creator and getting hope from the beauty/magic/creation of the universe.

The dream maker's gonna make you mad - How who you aspire to be and think you should be and what you want to do - will ultimately make you mad, and in his case suicidal.

The spaceman says, "Everybody look down... It's all in your mind"
Brilliant line... It means stop looking out there for answers, solutions... ultimately the truth is, it's all in your mind.

You better look it over,
Before you make that leap

Conclusion of the song really.. passing on his wisdom from his own near death experience.

And the public don't dwell my transmission
Cause it wasn't televised

This is an interesting couple of lines. I'm not too sure, but I think it's somewhere along the lines of how his story and the message of the song are considered by the general public to not be important - because it wasn't televised or simply the fact that is only found in the hidden poetry of a song.

Phew there we go..... Both Spaceman and Human are wonderful uplifting songs.. i.e. perhaps depressing subject matter, but they are ultimately about the hope that comes from it, and the music reflects that.

Words

Hello... i'm into my second week of unemployment... which i'm not going to lie.... is a lot of fun lately.

I seriously can't understand people who say they would carry on their job if they won the lottery. Unless they have a really cool job of course. I always have loads of things I can do and learn. And lots of stuff I can create using WORDS.

It annoys me when people say action speaks louder than words. If that's so, why are they telling me and not showing me. (hehe)

Words have an amazing power, in that they can convey and produce a wide range of emotion, simply by the order they are placed or the pronunciation and punctuation. I went to see Oleanna (the play) last night. David Mamet is an absolute genius with his perfection on punctuation.

Anyway, one thing i LOVE is stuff with hidden deep meanings..... My favourite poetry in music is the band The Killers.... Most people don't know that their music has hidden meaning... so here is just as an example...from Day and Age.....

HUMAN is a truly beautiful song about the battle between being afraid to be different and just going along with what society says, or following the difficult and brave route of following what we truly feel in side - being human.

"Are we human or are we dancer?" refers to . are we human beings or do we just dance along with what we're told to (society)?

Like all good philosophical questions, it is asked with great emotion and spiritual importance ("i'm on my knees, looking for the answer") but does not drill people with the answer...

Very inspirational, about the brevery of being human in a world of dancers:
And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes, clear your heart
Cut the cord

Erm, this verse is about real human qualities often overlooked...
Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know

Similarly, this verse is about being one of society's "dancer"s and not feeling ALIVE.

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know, is your heart still beating?

So yeah, in conclusion:

it is about the fundamental feeling of being ALIVE
versus just going with the flow

Are we human or are we dancer? :-)

Little editing session

Finished editing the book for the night. And allocating more of the quotes to characters and situations. Nicely tired now. Bed.

95,400 words

Drifting past the half-way stage in the word-count and have put in a little bit tonight that will appear near the end. Happy with what I've written tonight. It's taken me about 7 months to reach the half-way stage with the word count, which i'm really happy with, considering i wasn't sure i'd ever get this far... and i'm still not sure i will get to the end :-)

Allocating Quotes

Just finished an editing session, and working at the key quotes of the book, and making sure that they are said by the right person, in the right context, with the right build-up and in response to the right thing. This will take quite a bit of time, like everything, but is a fun part... and hopefully... hopefully... the quotes and the moments they are unleashed will be stand-out moments in the book.

I'm trying to work backwards on them all, like sometimes creating a whole scenario or huge careful build-up for one quote... or sometimes covering two or three big quotes in a scene... but also always making sure that the scene is something which fits properly into the story.

Almost universally, just four people are responsible for the quotes...... the narrator (myself), the character based on Jim, the character based on Phil and the female character (which incidentally is now based on a myriad of people)

I have also now decided to put a love story into the second part of the book, so have been working at how I'm going to lay that out. The second part of the book will be shorter than the first part. I really like books with two distinct parts, but where the focus very much changes.. this doesn't mean by any means that the book turns into a love story, just that one is put in there, and the second part includes other things.

I really like books that are split into two parts where part one has lots of great stuff, and also you get to know all the characters... then with part 2, because all the characters are well known, things can now evolve in a different way...the two books that come to mind like this are To Kill A Mockingbird and The Fountainhead... anyway I want to try a similar thing.

Trafford, running, stuffs

Blog time. I'm being really antisocial lately and don't seem to have time for anyone, however i'm hoping to have more time next week.. (if not money!)

I've done my last preparations for the Great North Run, the half-marathon which is this coming Sunday - in South Shields I believe. For anyone sad enough to be watching it on the telly, I will be one of quite a few wearing a bright purple t-shirt saying "curing children with cancer" , raising money for kidscan and york hospital radio.

I had a really nice weekend with Paula , saw the Trafford Centre (above) ... ooh that's the first time i've done that, referred to a picture with brackets like they do in magazines or newspaper articles... sorry... and visited Chester. If anyone wants to see a FIRST ... go and see the FIRST ever 3D cinematic film to have terrible acting and a cheesy storyline - Piranha 3D - it's also very gorey - bits of bodies and stuff - hm, i haven't sold it well.

I'm planning my radio show for tomorrow night as its the first night the team of ward-walkers join me so I figured I ought to try and make it at least half-decent. It has a Manchester theme in the second hour, so music from some of the many many different and varied bands that hail from Manchester. Possibly the music capital of the world in that way.

My job is terrible at the moment. There is virtually no work to do, as in virtually zero, and it is pretty strict so it feels a lot like I am wasting 8 hours each day!! which is crazy I know. I finish October 29th. If I'm lucky (or skilful) skillful? skilful? dunno.. then i'll manage to get another job before my current one finishes. Last time, I was only out of a job for about 10 days when I finished, so hopefully this time will be fine too, though it's scary when I rent in the city centre, and don't have family's money to fall back on. However, at least if I get homeless, I can go to london and join in Crisis at Christmas and get some great food and play the piano.

Excited about my radio show tomorrow and going to plan the rest of it tonight. Also working really hard to get myself 8 hours of sleep every night, rather than the 6 to 7 that I was getting, which wasn't doing me much good. End of word rant.

94,000 words

94,000. A scene with claire who was meant to figure more in this book, but until now hasn't figured much, so working at getting that storyline going.

93,000 words

Just done the sexiest part of the book so far!!... The one stand-out sex scene. Planned ages ago. Finally written tonight. Will take a fair bit of editing but that's fine.

93,000 words

92,000 words

92,000 and the scene is finished. Approaching the half-way stage :-)

91,000 words

Moving into the next scene.. one of the counselling storyline scenes...

91,000 and now writing into the night...

Little editing session

That's my work done for the night. Been back and did some editing on an earlier hospital radio scene, working at bringing the characters a bit closer together. Got a nice idea for an extra hospital radio scene to insert too.

Early night now.

90,800 words

more on the first club scene, which i keep chipping away at bit-by-bit......

the book is all about saying the millions of things which exist but people never say.
That alone is enough to keep me going. I've really enjoyed writing tonight.

90,000 words

Wrote one of the key hospital radio scenes tonight :-)

At least 90 per cent of the scene anyway.

I think this will be the fifth one out of about 7.

Hurricanes

I'm off ill today - full of cold, sore throat etc, which is relaxing but boring...

And no, I refuse to watch daytime TV and Jeremy Kyle....

Instead, I'm passing time learning about hurricanes and hurricane season - my little obsession - I wish I could be a storm chaser....

Here is a picture of Hurricane Earl at the moment....
http://earthobservatory.nasa.gov/NaturalHazards/view.php?id=45597

Here is a good tracker site that makes a deadly hurricane look like a cute swivelly thing...
http://www.wbt.com/weather/hurricane.aspx
Clicking on Forecast Models show where people think it might go. Ultimately, it's up to Earl himself though.

The Internet offers us a great opportunity now - listening to foreign radio stations.
I LOVE listening to American radio stations - it's taught me so much about American culture, values and the people... and American radio stations do so many things right, that we don't (in my opinion)

Everything is more natural instead of polished - to me this is always what radio should be about. Fluent speech and rehearsed content is important but always natural is better - cos you get that wonderful feeling of you don't know what's coming next, in the same way as when you're sat with someone in a pub....
Over here, it tends to be so polished that we know what's coming next is a well-planned, well-packaged article which is going to be careful not to deviate too far from the norm.

Here is one of the coolest things about many American radio stations... You know over here, when we have radio adverts, they've all got music to them and dramatic voice-overs and announcers and quirky sayings etc etc etc ...... Well this actually makes people here in the UK mentally switch off, because we hear the adverts and because of their style, we automatically associate them with being adverts and being rubbish.

In America, they often have adverts that are just someone talking to you, - so for instance, they'll put themselves in your position - For instance a guy's voice just comes on, talking about how he wasn't sure about getting cellphone insurance and he didn't want the hassle of going on-line, but then he found out it only took 5 minutes on-line so he did it.

Sounds familiar maybe, but the way they do it is just having a guy talk about it as if he's your mate.. no dramatic jingles or background music, or silly voice-overs, just a real everyday guy you can relate to.... and it really works!! You actually start caring about the advertisements!

The talk shows tend to be very dramatic, and not bound by politeness and fairness like they are over here. Lots of mad, crazy opinions going on, which maybe you would expect.

Anyway, in some states, it is most radio presenters' dream to report when there is a hurricane. When there are huge-scale evacuations, and everyone has the radio on in cars, and its fast and furious speech radio (just like the hurricane) - many radio presenters dream of the day they are doing the live hurricane news show.

I'm hoping to be feeling better this weekend but not really sure. If so, I'm at Samaritans branch tomorrow, as part of our Information And Selection Event for newcomers. It's fun, we do group exercises and little debates - it's a great way of mixing people and getting people to think about and challenge their own opinions, as well as helping induct new people to the charity.

89,700 words

more of the first club scene. I accidentally wrote about the appearance of a new character twice, (forgetting i'd already included him) so I've now just made it that he appears twice anyway - lol, cos it kind of makes sense.

89,700

89,000 words

89,000.

the main character has no friends. i love this aspect of the book, and by the fact that there isn't much to learn or guess about him from the start, you can feel like you know a lot more about him.. if that makes sense. I don't want the reader to be filling in the gaps, but instead to know what the gaps are, or that there are no gaps. Ok, I'll stop talking about gaps now.

88,500 words

Ahh, the laddish conversation in the club turns to girls. Been planning this scene for quite a while, so it's good to get into it.

88,500

88,400 words

Working on the first of the two nightclub scenes.

The second one of these is near the end of the book, when many of the book's storylines are resolved within one pretty dramatic scene.

88,000 words

Started and finished the next hospital radio scene. Happy.

Little editing session

Edited some of the second train scene.. my last work on the book for today.

87,200 words

Inserted more into the second of the two train scenes. Trying to make things flow better.

"I threw that diary away years ago but it didn’t work because the heart kept a diary of its own. It must have kept a tiny one, tucked away in an artery or something."

Running

Time for a quick blog.

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I'm currently training for the Great North Run on September 19th. It is a fascinating thing, and really challenging to keep increasing the distance. It ceases to amaze me what the body is capable of. For 30 years, it's had no clue how to run long distances, and yet it can still learn and get used to it.

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Yesterday, I was running for 84 minutes. It was quite surreal actually... like time kind of stood still while I was running. Anyway, it's been a bizarre way to discover new areas of York too.. running round Haxby, Huntingdon, the University area, Hull Road, Fulford.

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I am looking forward lots to the day itself. I don't have much sponsorship but actually aren't too bothered. In fact, if I'm truly honest, I'd rather people give to help Pakistan right now :-( But I will make sure I get enough sponsorship to reward Kidscan and York Hospital Radio - rewards they richly deserve.

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I am wondering about what my next big project will be and here are some ideas I have been thinking about and aiming for...

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1. Seeing if I can help out at Minster FM radio.

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2. Mentoring teenagers who are struggling and their families want extra help (that is through a charity)

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3. Becoming a commentator for York City games through York Hospital Radio (really difficult job - i've been recommended but it seems like it's gonna be so hard if I do it)

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4. Becoming a Samaritans trainer

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5. Becoming a social worker as my next job. Yeah, that is in very early stages of thought lol and I might change my mind tomorrow, but it's something that's been appealing to me with my job due to finish on October 29th.

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Anyway, these are all things I'm finding out more about and seeing if they will suit me.

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I'm fortunate enough to visit Minster FM studios tomorrow and sit in on my friend John's 3-hour live show. I can't wait - even though apparently their studios aren't as good as the Hospital Radio ones.

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Ok, off now.

Milestone reached - Book Summary Written

Been wanting to do this for ages, and finally tonight have written a complete summary of the book. Will post it on my Web site at some point.

87,000 words

87,000 -- kept going into the night here, really glad i've hit my target and really tired now.

Going over some fun scenes

Just had a fun editing session.. going over old fun descriptive scenes.....

working til about 11 on it tonight...

86,000 words

It keeps going. Some big changes in the direction of the book lately......

Mainly...

1. I've decided to make it more York-like. i.e to reference the buildings more and to get the reader more familiar with certain streets and landmarks.

2. Less and less involvement of other characters. Much more monologue and involvement of the main character.

3. Less dialogue and more of the main character talking about what happened instead of having the dialogue.

4. Less scenes that don't have a real edge or uniqueness to them. If it doesn't feel on the edge, I don't want it.

5. More truth!!!!!


86,000 woohoo!

Editing Session

Just given myself a really free editing session which is something new, as before I've always had real purpose to the editing. It was nice to work at little bits here and there.

Coming along well. The further I get into it, the further it is becoming monologuey and the less of a part the other characters are playing.

Fully edited the last 1,000 words

I'm really pleased with today's work.

A few days ago, I saw my friend Donna Hay - she was one of the people who inspired me to write a novel. She has a few published and successful novels, and wrote on her Web site that she had always said she wanted to write a novel before she was 40.

This long-term goal made me realise that it was also the kind of thing I could try and achieve and that there was no big rush. Anyway, when I met her the other day she didn't know I was writing... so I was like "by the way, you've inspired me to write 80,000 words of a novel" to which she looked really uncomfoortable hahaha

Time to close the book now. It looks a nice day out there.

84,000 words

84,000

and i'm feeling a better sense of direction than I was last time around. Ultimately, the direction with the book is to tell the story of my life - i must remember that - and the storylines are only nice ways of gluing things together. gluing? glueing?

It's very tempting to just say sod it and make it into a diary format, but that would completely be destroying the object of a novel format, and I've done so much great work on the novel format that it would be silly to lose it. I still have the excitement for this project, and I'm really glad that I set my target to finish as the end of 2013, because it means I can work on the book without panicking about the time scale or the amount of time I may need to edit it after all the words are written.

:-)

83,000 words

83,000...writing more of my personal journey...

Looking back, the previous 2000 words I havent been very happy with, compared to what I thought when I wrote them..... so it was a pleasant change tonight to write some stuff i think is better.

Catch up - Tour of the North-West

Ok, catch-up blog on my mini-holiday with Paula...

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Friday saw Liverpool... and I tracked down my old friend Jonathan Walker that I wrote about in the previous post. He was pleased to see me, however didn't want to go for a pint.

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It was only when I got home and reflected on things, I felt sad that age 10 years old, I had ended the friendship, and I owed him an apology. Anyway, he's happy we've reconnected, so I hope to see him soon when he's in York.

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Liverpool it rained lots but we made the most of it.

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Blackpool Saturday. Saw a live stage hypnotist show which was really good. Saw a fortune teller who did a face reading by constantly staring above my head. Sunday, visited Hawkshead Park in Cheshire -- which is so much more scenic and beautiful than it sounds - ie not a park. Monday, met Paula's kids for the first time - all 4 of them! - nervy but great cos they're lovely kids.

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Add in large doses of michael mcintyre, scenic roads, heartfelt chats, background music of Jonathan and BT, cute cafes, happy pubs, and a lot of smiles and laughter. A wonderful break with wonderful company, and it actually felt like a holiday LOL.

82,000 words

82,000.

Another monologuey reflectivey bit, with a nice bit of progression in there.
More, working through the truth. The book is not necessarily my truth, but works through the truth if that makes sense.

81,000 words

I guess old memories and chasing truth, answers and meaning are the subject of the day. That's mostly what I've written tonight into the book.

I'm at 81,000... still enjoying this journey :-)

Jonathan Walker

The beauty of York Minster here . It's amazing to think about how they began constructing this in the early 13th century.



Change subject.

When I was at junior school all the kids wanted to be either one of two people. 1. the captain of the football team, or 2. the hardest kid in the year.

But I didn't. In fact, the kids I looked up to were often the very ones that most people looked down on. The clowns.

Energy, happiness, fun, happiness again, and maybe a sense of freedom i longed for, being the very shy and introverted little person i was. And ultimately that freedom was to do whatever they wanted. Not bound by rules to try and keep up an image.

When I was 7 and 8, my best friend at Junior School was called Jonathan Walker. He was incredibly hyperactive and we did crazy things together (like smash in the walls of the school swimming pool lol) He used to make up songs and we used to perform them on the last day of the school term. They were always freeflow - it was so funny. Like he'd just write off the top his head, and not go back or think about the structure hahaha. And we'd have not really practiced but we'd go up and try sing them in front of the calss, even though we didn't really know the tune haha just the words!

He moved away when I was 8 - with his family - to live in Paraguay. Like you do.

One day when I was 12, we were having tea when the doorbell rang.

"Hello! It's Jonathan Walker, I'm back from Paraguay!"

We went out into the garden and found some wooden canes, and thought we could use them as measuring sticks... and so we played this game to see who could jump the furthest. He went first and did a pretty impressive jump. Then on my turn - god knows how - I landed awkward and before I knew it was rolling around in pain and then in A and E.

After that we lost touch. And it was completely my fault. It was a bit like he was too crazy, and I was embarrassed and I had other friends, and I didn't want to hang around with this embarrassing friend. How sad, given that he still had the energy and happiness that he always had.

So I never saw him again.

Last night, I was up at 3am bored on the Internet. And I googled his name. But I wasn't very hopeful at all, because let's face it there's a million Jonathan Walkers in the world. And I didn't have any info to google him on really.

We used to go round his house, and play this game where you had to run from one side of the room to the other, and his Mum would stand in the middle, and you had to try and get from one side to the other without her tickling you - and then if she caught you, she would tickle you like crazy hahaha

Anyway, I couldn't google him on that.

Putting "Jonathan Walker" into Google didn't bring up anyone who looked like him. And even after looking through lots of pages, it wasn't looking hopeful. I just kept seeing pictures of some long-haired musician busker guy in Liverpool, which wasn't like him at all.

Anyway, I kept searching for a bit with no success. Then thought I might as well look at this busker guy who'd been dominating my screen and listen to him. Slowly, I realised he was the right age, and soon picked up other details from him, such as on his Web site, it said he was raised in Paraguay.... and sure enough it's him. He is a very popular busker on the streets of Liverpool and Leeds. Kind of ironic too, because last night, I was planning a trip to Liverpool next weekend.

Those songwriting skills that weren't quite so polished back in the day have obviously improved hahahaha

"The key is not to sing, but to want to sing." - Henry Miller

He has a little Youtube account and his latest video, posted a month ago, is called "How far can you jump?" where he gets lots of adults together, and they all have to jump as far as they can.

Life is funny. I will find him, sit and listen to him busk, we will share a beer and maybe smash a swimming pool up.

Solving Local Mysteries

I found it.

It was in HMV.

Laughing Woman

Ok, Blog time.

I have an I-Phone. It will be active from tomorrow.

I have a new hospital radio show.

But first I have to tell you about a couple of funny things that happened this morning.

Sitting having coffee in Cafe Nero with my friend and watching over the city, people watching as I often do....

We noticed a woman sat on a street corner laughing to herself wildly while all the people walked past her. At first, we presumed she must have a funny text message or something, or maybe she was using a hands-free phone.. but after a while, we realised it was neither of these.

This woman was laughing hysterically!!! happily!! wildly!! for no apparent reason.

Of course this made us laugh too, and we expected her to stop laughing at whatever was tickling her, and walk on her way. But she didn't. Instead, she remained sitting on the corner as people walked past and laughing.

We noticed that there was a kind of pattern......

She would stop laughing, and some people would walk past but it wouldnt make her laugh...
then someone would walk past, and for no apparent reason, she would look at them and then crease up laughing uncontrollably... for about say 10 seconds then she'd calm down....

We then started watching passers-by and guessing whether or not they would make her laugh...

Like "This guy's gonna be funny..." then sure enough, one glance at him, and she would crack up.

Needless to say, me and james were in fits of laughter watching. Most passers-by ignored her, being too bothered with their own concerns, but some of them joined in the uncontrollable laughter with her.

It kinda seemed that she was laughing at everyone and everyone was laughing at her.

She was either high on drugs or high on life, but it really didn't look like it was drugs, and I hope so so much it was high on life :-)


Another cool thing that happened today. I watched some kids break-dancing in a square in York. Young kids showing off their moves. Most of them were average - but better than me obviously - then this one kid came on, and started doing cheesy kind of dance moves that didn't look like much. The crowd that had gathered, developed a kind of pitiful look - as if they were thinking - 'oh well, everyone is of different ability and at least it keeps them off the streets.'

And then, out of the blue, the same guy starting spinning round on the floor, fast as anything and pulling out some of the most insane moves ever. The crowd went wild with surprise and of course admiration.


Yes - my radio show is now to be on Wednesday - it will have new features, and a different format to the sunday show. Also there will be new special guests each week!!! Whereas before my special guests were generally amazing individuals doing amazing things..... For this new show, i'm going to have a section of the show about different charities - in particular local charities - and so the special guests will be from the charities.

Building, binding, bonding

The book keeps going. And things are slowly getting glued together. The glue-ing is a very long but fun process.

The wise characters - ie the ones loosely based on Jim, Phil and Lexi - are having their storylines plotted better and more exact so I'm getting a good indication of the exact scenes they appear in, and what should happen in each scene.

In addition, I'm doing a lot of colouring in... By this , I mean going to old scenes I've written and inserting bits in there that tweak it and help the flow of the story.

Out of interest, the book begins with a kiss. As for the ending, after a period of erm lets say intense drama, the final scene is just one of the everyday monologue bits :-)

Anyway, here's some of the random sentences from stuff i added tonight, now that blogspot lets me copy and paste finally lol.
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I know my journey isn’t really like anyone else’s, but my joy in the journey is just the same.

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On the way, a flock of sparrows squabbled over a half-eaten sandwich on the edge of a tennis court.

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And a greyish rectangular face, both pointed and poignant in appearance.

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Across the pavement, a squashed ice cream proved exciting for a little black and white dog.

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Its now at the stage of year where it's feeling cold even though it ought not to be. Or maybe that’s just because it mirrors how I’m feeling.

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That must be like the coolest thing that’s ever happened to that blackbird.

I knew the octopus would pick Spain

Here's the song of Paul, he's the psychic octopus.
He knew that Spain would win, and the whole world made a fuss.
If he had less legs, you might think he's one of us,
But no, it's Paul the Psychic Octopus!!

Episode 1:

"Hi Paul, what do you think is behind that rock?"

"I reckon... it's fish."

"Oh my god! It's fish!"


Give it up for Paul, he's the psychic octopus
He's never wrong at all, and he's never a bit sus.
Look he's at the bus stop, and now here comes the bus!
Cos it's Paul the Psychic Octopus!!


I've gotta say I love the news at the moment, and the advent of sites such as Twitter and better awareness of people's demand is changing what's on the news. It's great. Though many sources are still very old-fashioned in many respect of what they term important news.

Imagine how would it feel if you sat on an octopus?

I love these two news stories from this week:

This one - after you've got the snigger out the way, is absolutely fascinating - an amazing discovery...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8792000/8792008.stm

This one I don't even properly understand but is amazing too:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/science_and_environment/10517040.stm



"How many octopuses does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
"1/8!"


In other news, I found some Raoul Moat jokes hiding about:


“Rothbury residents tell police they can't resume a normal life until Raoul Moat is caught. Only then will they all go dogging.”


"Man City have bid £45m for Raoul Moat. They've no idea who he is, but they've heard everyone's after him, plus he can shoot!"


"Whats the difference between Raoul Moat and Ashley Cole? Raoul Moat is still deep in the geordie bush."


Why don't they ask Physic Paul where Raoul Moat is? You could place a bush and a tree next to his tank and take it from there!

79,000 words

79,000.

Working away at the therapy storyline - i think tonight is the fourth scene of this storyline that i've been working on.. started and almost finished. The third scene was started and finished last week.

Out of the World Cup

Today is an extremely insignificant World Cup day if your name is Ledley King.

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However, time for a concluding World Cup blog.

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England had one good game (against Slovenia) in the world cup and it was the one where everyone was at work!

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Fortunately, for those who missed it, James Corden reviewed the game in his World Cup show on the evening...

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"What a great game today! It was a great game. Wasn't it a great game, don't you think? It was a great game."

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Similarly he reviewed Spain versus Chile later in the week:

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"Did you see the game? What a great game."

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So that's good, cos if you miss the action, you can always count on James Corden's post-match reviews to bring you up to speed.

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If there's one person thats annoyed me more than James Corden this world cup, it's the Mirror Football columnist Oliver Holt. This is the same Oliver Holt who on one particular match-day called his column "Why Lee Dixon is the Best Pundit at the World Cup"

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The column read: "Best pundit of the World Cup so far: Lee Dixon." then he completely changed the subject!!!

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Oliver Holt ran a headline before the Germany game that James Milner had matured during this World Cup. What?? He became a man in a week or so??

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The USA game.. he played and was terrible - did he mature then? No

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The algeria game - he didn't play - what maturing did he do then? None, obviously.

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The slovenia game he played well.... ahh i get it now.. during those 90 minutes, he really grew up as a person, stopped being a boy any more and became a man. I get it now.

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Oliver Holt!!!!! grrr

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Why do all the commentators start beating one out over Spain!!!! The worst moment I've seen.. Torres hitting a shot from 30 yards out way off target into Row Z, only to be followed with the commentary... "Torres...he's done everything right there."

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Finally, tennis. Andy Murray is out, and I blame the pitch, the ball, the net, the ballboys, the umpire, the racket, the towel (definitely the towel), the banana and the coach!

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As for England, of the many excuses, I think really it's just down to the players!!!

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Some people are blaming the jabulani, and I can kind of see their point...

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I mean, if you're going to let the players have a curry before-hand, it's not really the best preparation.

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:-)

78,000 words

Well I've hit the 78,000 mark tonight. A lot of the book is about my journey through counselling/therapy, and that's the main thing I'm working on writing lately. It feels good getting these key scenes in because they are a big part of what makes the book stand out, and also they form the most central and crucial storyline and backbone to it all.

I'm 30

The World Cup continues. No jokes this time (a bit like James Corden), just my assessment so far.

Best team by a mile - Germany - even against Serbia they were very unlucky - harsh dodgy sending off - its a strange world when you're english and enjoy watching the germans - was still funny when they missed a penalty though.

Worst team - Honduras, closely followed by England haha

Anyway, I'm blogging cos I'm 30 years old now, and want to do a little reflecting.

I want part of me to always always still be a child. And as I've got older I've kinda wondered if that part in me would die , or fade. Thankfully it's still there, and I look to those {of an older generation} who still have a beautiful inner child, and then those who seem to have completely let go of any childishness and feel proud to have done so.

So I wondered why do I want part of me to remain a child. And I've figured it's cos children have an innocent wisdom about life that seems to get forgotten as an adult and we are taught through society that we have to grow out of it.

One thing I do find as I grow older, its not that I grow out of stuff, but more that I've done stuff so many times that I don't want to do it any more. So I'm always looking for fresh, new exciting things to do.

Come on Ivory Coast :-)

Tying everything together

I'm not even half-way through the word-count yet, but I've been working today at looking at how everything ties together,, and which bits need to be changed, fitted and which bits still need to be done.

In particular I've been looking at the endings... There is one big surprise ending involving the main character, so its kind of tying things into that so that everything fits.

The good news is I'm where I want to be. The other news is what is left will take a lot of time :-)

Macclesfield are so pointless!

I'm off work ill today, and don't feel like either
a) getting out of my pyjamas,
or b) thinking of a point b.

I do however feel like doing a world cup blog -- which in itself is healing....

So, without further ado:

Things I have learnt about the World Cup so far.....

* One of the South African players is in The Kaiser Chiefs.

* Adebayor is secretly cool.

* The ball is too round.

* Honduras are crap.

* New Zealand... This is an interesting one...
According to Martin Keown, "New Zealand have no real legs in midfield"
Wow that must be a first! Trust me, I've watched them play, and there's no way you can tell!

* Everyone's secret outside surprise bet is the Ivory Coast!!!
It's now got to the stage where someone comes up to me and says

"You know what, if you want an outside bet, there's a .... "

"STOP!!! It's the Ivory Coast isn't it?? Well isn't it???"

* Apparently:
Germany... they always find a way.
Italy... they always find a way.
Brazil... they always find a way.

* France - they're a bit stretched in midfield I find. Frank Rubbery :-)

* Pointless teams!!!!! Every world cup, there's the real underdogs who are interesting to watch... your Honduras and your New Zealand etc etc......

but then there's the teams who aren't the worst of the bunch, but who are truly and utterly pointless.

I've decided that if Slovenia play Slovakia in the second round, it will go down in history as the most pointless game of football ever!!

Although neither of these teams are as pointless as Macclesfield. No-one is as pointless as Macclesfield. If you don't believe me, click here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_div_3/7565103.stm



I've been following the World Cup News on the web site worldcupsouthafrica2010.com.
Makes sense, yeah?

Anyway, on Monday, the big news from the England camp was that defender Ledley King was due to have a scan on his groin injury to see whether or not he would be fit for the rest of England's campaign.

On worldcupsouthafrica2010.com.... on the FRONT PAGE, the TOP STORY, the first sentence read.....


A big world cup day today if your name is Ledley King.


Surely... without doubt... the worst. line. of journalism. ever.


A big world cup day today if your name is Ledley King.


I hope that, because its such a crappy article, that only one person ever reads that article.

But what if that one person is Ledley King??????


A big world cup day today if your name is Ledley King.


"Oh my God! Like, MY name is Ledley King! Oh my God, I'll have to read this."

OR

what if only one person reads that article, but its someone else who also happens to be called Ledley King!


A big world cup day today if your name is Ledley King.


"You're kidding me?? I was going out for a meal with the wife tonight, but now.. well, I'd better read on....."





Vuvuzelas! Good in scrabble, AMAZING in Countdown... how good would that feel!!! "Yes. I've got a 9. It's Vuvuzelas. Wow."

But not so good at the World Cup. I find Vuvuzelas are kind of like Marmite except no-one loves them.

We're told to respect the vuvuzela because it is a traditional INSTRUMENT. Instrument???
How does it qualify as an instrument? I'm going to invent a little hand-held piano, except its only going to have one key lol .

It's not a very inventive instrument. It's like someone in the crowd starting a chant that goes "beeep beeep"

Annoying as I think they are, in some ways I also think the vuvuzela argument has been blown out of proportion.

The BBC, the last time I read,

"have received 545 complaints about the vuvuzela noise during matches."

What??? Who does that?????


"Hi there, I'd like to be put through to the complaints department......."

"Hello. I'm watching the World Cup game, and I can hear a large number of vuvuzelas....

"yes, yes there's a lot of people that's right, all blowing them."

"yeah, well you know, I wouldn't mind if it was just a few people or just once or twice, but it's becoming a habit now, and they won't stop and its getting on my nerves"

"yes, well the thing is I'm just having a quiet morning, trying to read my book and i can't concentrate, they've been at it all morning and its driving me crazy...."

Who makes these complaints?????

Or maybe some of them are e-mail complaints. Maybe from one of those people - we all know someone like this - who complains about everything, and boasts how they know how the complaints system works.........

"I first heard the vuvuzelas at 15:00 on Wednesday June 16th. They continued for 10 minutes. At around 15:10, the vuvuzelas became louder and increased in intensity," etc etc etc

blah blah blah i can see they're annoying, but to ring up the BBC and complain about them being there?? lol


This might as well happen:

"Hello. Yes, I'd like to make a complaint. I've been watching the World Cup coverage, and the opposition have scored."

"Yes. Yes, top corner."

"Well I'm not normally the type to complain, you know, but the thing is, it happened last week too."


"My name?? It's Ledley King."

"Well its interesting you say that, because it's a big world cup day today, if your name is Ledley King."

"No way!!!"


Is that a vuvuzela in your pants, or are you just pleased to see me?


If there's one thing more annoying than the vuvuzelas about this world cup, it has to be James Corden! Could anyone be less funny?? Not to mention his random celebrity guests who appear and give their dull, un-knowledgeable opinions - before James Corden comes on and annoys England players on a golf course.

I lost count of how many times I saw this clip..... It appears to be James Corden's best joke: The gist of it was... you are a scouser and Wayne Rooney is a scouser and the manager is Italian, therefore he might have some difficulty understanding you.

James Corden is everywhere right now. My friend say he is like olives because he is an acquired taste and you have to stick with him.

I tried this for a while, and can confirm James Corden is not like olives, except about as funny as one.

Maybe he's called James Corden cos there is a cordon of funnyness into which he's not allowed to cross.

Got this from a mate: "Watched five minutes of James Corden last night. Couldn't stop laughing. That's because I never started!"
hahaha

Oh well, I suppose after the big game, it's actually quite good to get Dizzee Rascal's opinion ????


Blow when you're winning... you only blow when you're winning........


Do you realise this may really happen.....

When England win the World cup for the first time since 1966, and everyone is celebrating, going mental etc etc, do you think anyone is going to say "Ooh James Corden is going to be on in a minute. I can't wait for his show tonight."

How disastrous will that be? England lifting the world cup aloft, followed by James Corden telling his best joke about an Italian manager who might struggle to understand people from Liverpool. Or maybe he'll have to think of a new best joke?


You can shove your vuvuzelas.. shove your vuvuzelas....



1966: "Some people are on the pitch! They think it's all over... it is now!!!!"

2010: "Lots of people are in the stands. They think the end of injury time must be approaching soon. It has done."

orrrr maybe more like....

2010: "Some people are on the pitch! And these scenes are not what we wanted to see, after what has been a largely good-natured and well-behaved tournament."



orrrrr

2010: "You're both from Liverpool. However the manager is Italian."

Looking over and editing some of the borderline bits

Spent some of tonight looking over the book as a whole, and also editing some of the bits that i don't think will make the final cut.

Some of them make me laugh cos they are so bad. An extrovert, show-offy radio presenter that is just hilarious to read back. However, for the bits that don't seem to work , I'm not cutting them yet, til I've written out all the words. Then I might adapt some of the poorer bits, or cut them out completely.

77,000 words

Wow, exciting!! 77,000!

Today , I've done two bits.

Firstly, the bit where Phil, known in the book as Mark, makes his first appearance and the reader is introduced to his character.

Phil is a real tool in the book to talk about creativity, and the creative process with a lot of wisdom. The great thing is that in real life, Phil is great at ranting, so its brilliant to translate that into making points that I want to make about the creative process.

Two of my characters are pretty close to each other, and my thoughts have been changing on their roles as I've gone through so far.

These are Phil, and Kieran White - based on my old music teacher - he doesn't know he's in the book yet!!!

Initially, I thought of having them separate, and having the Kieran character as the creative character.

However, now, it is more Phil as the creative character, and Kieran as a recurring backdrop to the story, and only appearing for brief moments.. (he plays piano in the streets of york. i think its a great idea to have him in between the monologues as my character is moving from one place to another -- ie little chats with him that break up the monologue)

In this sense, it means that both Phil and Kieran should be characters protraying wisdom, but I must be careful not to overlap their domains.

I've also worked on a second bit today, building up to romance.

~~

"So my philosophy," he stated proudly, "is don't spend all your time thinking about things... thinking about.. ooh what if I did that... or ooh what if i try this.."

His arms were getting very animated now.

"Just use your creative time to actually DO things. Not only is it way more productive, it's the best way of learning what does and doesn't work, and generating better ideas in the future!!"

Alan Dedicoat

Wow, it's a baking hot day today, and I'm inside on a computer and its little fan is going crazy (awww)

Time for a catch-up mini-blog thing.... I won the poker tournament last saturday night at Christian's place.... 5 of us in ... won 16 quid out of the 25 pot... could have won 25 if the other guy hadn't chickened out to go home...

The following day , did my radio show.... i'm thinking of changing my radio night back to thursday... just thinking. Chris and Elaine came to see the studios, then we went to the pub to watch England v Japan.... (2-1)...

I got pretty drunk and the best thing is I'm now massively excited about this World Cup.
It's good cos I thought it might be a thing of the past, and I was losing that childish excitement about it all... but thanks to a few good friends and a lot of publicity (and some beer) I'm now crazy excited about it all!! And England's chances of course! Even without Rio and Walcott.

That made for a real nice sunday , alongside going through the Jukebox's collection of early 90's dance music :-)

Bank Holiday Monday was less interesting and eventful, although I did have a good phone call conversation with my mum , where I was able to talk about a lot of my difficulties I have in relation to the counselling, and she was really willing to listen and be a support, and realise that I don't need her to help me, I just need her to love me. Sometimes she gets angry because things can't be solved and I feel sad cos I just want her to love me -- and even though she does, she can find it hard to say it or show it directly sometimes.

Tuesday, I stayed in and got creative stuff done. Wednesday played a charity match of snooker - Samaritans versus Hospital Radio LOL and a integrated friends from both charities. And lost.

Thursday, saw my Nan. Love her to bits. Came home and watched (via I-Player, my friend "purple kate" compete and WIN the Weakest Link!!!) yeah, surreal... Anne Robinson didn't pick on her much... You know when Anne can't think of anything to say to insult them so she just doesn't .. well it was one of those!

Today, on this GORGEOUS day... I've been to the radio studios.. for their official new opening.. £55,000 studios... we had LOADS of people down.. including the voice of the national lottery balls Alan Dedicoat . . . who did the official cutting of a red ribbon, which had been placed there only 5 seconds before LOL. It was funny , because Alan Dedicoat speaks like that all the time! lol, he's not putting it on.

Someone spilt a drink on part of the new studio equipment, but thankfully it missed the controls.. though only by a whisker! Oh the comedy!!!

I also got to meet lots of interesting people!! Like a guy from York Lions, and Frankie Howard's nephew from the York Theatre Royal who I gave a nice tour of the new radio studios to. (it was him who spilt the drink :-))

Afterwards, caught up with Simon who's back from his first year of uni, and sat out in the sun in the Exhibition beer garden :-)

Edit: Now waiting for The Legend to call and let me know when he's in town as its his birthday night.. so far it's 10:35pm and he's still at a house party lol... its gonna be a late start!